Interlude 1: Niggas Em Barrassed

I WAS gonna make y’all an offer. Something to give our opinionated readers some “say so”. Too bad Green isn’t picking up so I can run the idea by her. (ring) (ring) (ring) (ring) (ring) (ri) (you.. *click* Errrrrrrr! SEE, I’m DONE. Have fun.

                                                                                                            Yada yada... -Purp -_-

I put the mail down and tossed my keys into the supposed to be fruit bowl sittin’ on the bar. Nicki always tellin’ me not to leave em’ in there cuz that’s not what it’s for. ‘Everything has its place, Safaree.’ She tells me. Not one thing in that bitch is edible. Unless you like, some crack head alien or robot who likes munchin’ on electronics & metal type shit. I don’t complain about her chargers, batteries and pens being in there, but she can’t stand to let my keys and my change be great. Women. I went to go take off my shoes in my room. “If you have a room, why should yo shit be scattered all around the house?” She’ll say, if she comes in and see that they’re sitting neatly by the door. But where her sneakers that she wore to the airport yesterday? Bet you she ain’t even mention she kicked ‘em off at the door before spazzin’ in the kitchen.  I’ll take hypocrite for 300, Alex. I grabbed me a soda and flopped down on the couch. I just sat there gazing out on the city until someone texted me.

What up?

Shit. Literally. My life’s bull is on an all time high.

Where u at?

At the layer. In between horny and depressed.

Is yo wife home? Nope. And if she was my wife, her ass wouldn’t be where she at right now.

Nigga u gay.

That shit I was drillin’ last night would say otherwise.

Fuck u braggin’ to me fo? Especially if he was talkin’ bout Lauren. Even though I can’t stand her corny ass sometimes, she’s like a stepsister to me. I sat my phone down on my lap and took a swig of my soda. When it vibrated, I picked it back up and saw it was a text from Rodrique instead of Chris John.

Soooooooorrryy! That’s exactly how I’m feelin’

What y’all coons bout to get in to?

The condo once yo slave ass open dis door.

I got up and went to go let them in.

“BC-1!”  CJ greeted me when I opened the door.

“BC-2.” I responded before doin’ the hand shake. “BC used to be 4.” I said to CLS before walkin’ back to da couch. He made the claw noise. CJ laughed and I grinned.

“How did I get my shit taken? CLS asked.

“I’ma a coon… not a slave.”

“Yeah yeah, where Massa Nicki at?” He responded.

“Go to hell.”

“No seriously. Where da kid?”

“Out.” I shot.

“What tip guy?” CJ asked.

“Nothin’. They looked back and forth at each other. “Where’s Rex?”

“Back east. He had to be at his last meetin’ with his P.O.”

“Finally.” I huffed.

“Right.” CLS agreed. It was quiet for a few minutes.

“Yo son, what’s botherin’ you?” CJ asked me.

“A lotta things.” I confessed, while wiping my hand over my face.

“Well, go on. We ain’t got all day.” I shook my head.

“Lemme get somethin’ to drink.” CLS said, while standing up.

“You know where da fridge is nigga.”

“Me too.” CJ told him.

“Aiight. Scaff?” I shook my head then stretched out across the couch.

“So spill man.” CJ continued.

“I’m just frustrated.” I said, staring up at the ceiling.

“It must be that time of year again.” He chuckled.

“Huh?” I question, looking at him.

“Don’t act like you don’t know.” What the fuck IS he talkin’ bout? “You ain’t been getting’ none.”

“What?” He must’ve heard from Lauren’s to much inf self.

“Star my nigga. I know you ain’t forgot about her fine ass.”

“Oh. Naw.” I lied. I haven’t told them about me and Nic yet. And with the way shit going, I don’t think I ever will.

“So you want me to call her?”

“Who?” CLS asked, coming back from the kitchen.

“Straight for Boogs.” CJ answered.

“Ooooh wee! That women.” He exclaimed before biting into the sandwich I ain’t say he could make. “All these years and she still ain’t switch teams. You can’t be doing it right.”

“Shut up nigga.” I told him.

“Yeah, Fresh. She’s biiiiii.” CJ laughed.

“How she bi, if the only dude she’ll fuck is S.B?” CLS blurted out. I grabbed a pillow and chucked it at him. He swatted it, almost causing it to knock over CJ’s cup.

“Ya’ll tryna get me murdered huh?” CJ asked.

“Nope. I’ll tell Nic it was an earthquake.” I joked. We all laughed.

“So am I calling her or not?”

“Not.” I sighed.

“I don’t see how you do it.” He said.

“Right. The last time you got some was in January?” CLS tried to remember.

“Yeah.” I sat up. “No.”

“Whaaat?” He asked. “Yo scary ass called her?”

“Niggas is disrespectful these days.” I laughed. “Guess seein’ the way I’m livin’ hurt yo feelins.”

“Nah son, it hurt my rep.”

“How you figure? Cuz I’m shinnin’ on you.”

“Nope. Cuz you livin’ high in the sky with no pussy to slide in.”

“Yo chill out Rodrique.” CJ insisited.

“Nah let him keep talkin’.” I chuckled. “My boss pays me VERY well.” I said, before getting up to go throw my empty bottle away.

“What you mean my nigga?” CLS asked me.

“Oh, now he yo nigga?” CJ blurted out.

“He always been, but if he saying what I think he is, he’s the greatest nigga alive.” He told him.

“All I got to say is…” I hesitated. “Dot Dot Dot!” They both jumped up out their seats and started slappin’ me up. Man the lie felt good.

“Yo, it’s a celebration. WE GOIN OUT TONIGHT.” CLS said.

“Nah son, it ain’t like that.” CJ let him know. I guess Lauren did.

“Oh. Nic on dat hush hush shit again?” He asked.

“Nah.” CJ replied, then gave me the pity look. I sat down and buried my face in my hands. I wasn’t gone cry, that shit would’ve made me look even weaker.

“I don’t know what to do.” I confessed.

“Well man the fuck up and talk to her.” He said, patting me on the back. If Only he knew.

“I did.” I sighed. Talkin ‘bout shit for da birds. “She ain’t listenin’.”

“Get her ass back here and make her.” CLS said.

“Yeah, bro. You neva told us. Where she at anyways?” CJ asked.

“I dropped her off at Drakes.” I said, falling back to the back of the couch with my hands still attached to my face.

“DAMN DAMN DAMN!” CLS said like Florida, the mom from Good Times. That shit was mad funny. If it wasn’t me in this situation I would’ve cracked the fuck up. But right now, the Judge Judy marathon I was missin’ couldn’t even make me smile.