What If...

Because Tia's a tease, Butta agrees & I'm not always ain't shit. I think y'all would call this a one shot or something these days. Idk. I'm so out of the loop. Lol. S/o to my baby Green who wrote the base of this. & S/o to you guys... new readers too. We honestly do miss y'all.. Farewell until indefinitely. Enjoy. 
                                                                         Cooncerely(Wow we were so corny),
                                                                                                                                   Green & Purp

“So I’m still running, right? And all of a sudden.. SMACK! I run into a brick wall. But it was like it never happened, cuz next thing you know I was running again. Then I guess I jumped off a cliff, cuz my insides started doin’ summersaults. And that’s when I woke up.”

I was explaining my dream to my family, who were all seated around the dining room table.

        “Yo dreams be mad corny yo.” My older brother Jelani said.

        “Boy hush. You are such a pessimist.”

        “Ahhh! You think you so smart cuz you learned a new word. I swear you gone end up bein’ a librarian or somethin’.” He teased.

        “Nah, If this music thing don’t work out, I’ma be a psychiatrist. Then I can help you figure out why you don’t got no friends.”

        “Naw, you need a psychiatrist. And I do have friends. Just a few loyal ones. Phonies get cut off or scared away by you.”

        “You tryna imply my friends aren’t loyal?”

        “The ones in your head or in real life?” He asked. Mommy smiled while shaking her head.

        “Both.”

        “I don’t mess with them ones in yo head, but I guess they as loyal as you imagine them to be. And out of all the actual people you claim to be yo besties, I could name a hand few.”

        “You buggin. I got way more than five real friends.”

        “That’s what you think.”

        “It’s what I know.” I shot back while rolling my eyes. Swear he thinks he knows everything. “Name the five you think then.” He finished chewing his food then put his fist up.

        “Tyesha, Iesha, Candice, Thembi, and I guess Viola’s loony self.” He counted as he put up a finger for each girl.

        “That’s it? What about my nig..” I pauzed when I heard mommy clear her throat. “I’m sorry ma.” She waved me off.

“Womp Womp.” Jay mumbled.

“Be quiet.” I told him. He chuckled. I ignored him and finished. “Safaree, Rika, Lauren, Chris John and the rest of the boys?”

        “Okay maybe Lauren... maybe. I don’t know Sherika all like that.” He said before stuffing some more food in his mouth. “And you already know what I think about dudes and girls just being friends. Trust and believe if you and ol’ boy fall out, his crew go wit him.”

        “Whateva!” He need to quit talkin’ and chew his damn food. Don’t nobody wanna see that shit.

        “Think I’m lyin’.”

        “Go somewhere Jay!” I told him before wipin’ my mouth with my napkin. “The boys love me.” I teased.

        “Enough.” My father spoke sternly. Mommy seemed to be enjoying it tho. She said growing up with 10 siblings was way worse, so this was simply entertainment to her. “Micaiah, what did you dream?”

“Well… I dreamed.. that, I got a bike for Christmas, and a new game.” He spoke. We all cracked smiles at the cutest 6 year old on the planet. Well, except for Daddy.

“Well maybe if you hadn’t lost your old one, you wouldn’t have to get a new one.” Mommy said, shockingly.

“I didn’t lose it.” Caiah whined.

“Games don’t just get up and walk away Micaiah.” Could she be so blind?

“Right.” Jay agreed sarcastically while shaking his head.

“He didn’t lose it ma.” I told her truthfully. “I saw when he put it on his dresser cuz I made him go to bed. And the next morning, it was gone.”

Caiah just sat there silently, finishing his food.

“Then what could’ve happened to it Onika?” She asked me. I closed my eyes and shook my head. Did I really need to say it? Or should I spare some feelings?

“Drop it Sis.” Jay insisted, before stealing my cornbread. I would’ve stopped him, but I lost my appetite. All I could do was stare at Robert, hoping he’d confess. How could someone who was always asking for forgiveness never admit he was wrong?

“Daddy?” I questioned. “You didn’t see Caiah’s game? I could’ve sworn I saw you with it.” He wouldn’t even look at me. He was a poor excuse for a father. “Robert?” I called.

“Alright Onika, that’s enough.” My mother scolded me. I hate when she did that. Like he was the only one allowed to be in the wrong.

“I’m going out.” Robert said, before putting his dinner plate in the sink and walking out the front door. That’s the exact same thing he said the day Caiah’s game went missing. Shit, my old radio or Jay’s first bike. He probably said that shit to an empty house that day we came home to find the couch was gone.m

“Me too.” I said, before dismissing myself. I put my dishes in the sink, patted Jay on his shoulder and kissed Caiah and Mommy before steppin’ outside. I inhaled the New York air. It smelled like poverty and unfulfilled dreams. Pulling out my cell, I dialed one of my bestest friends.

“Wassup, Nic?” Safaree answered.

“Hey. Uhm, can you come through and swoop me up? I need to get out of da house.” I already knew the answer.

“Yeah, I’m on my way.” He said before hanging up. My nigga Scaff Boogs always got me. I put my cell in my pocket and sat down on the steps replaying tonight's dinner until I heard the screen door crack open. It was Jelani.

“You know you wrong.” He told me, before biting open the clear wrapping of his black and mild. He sat down in one of the plastic chairs on the porch and began freakin it with ease.

“Smoking’s bad for you.”

“Shut up. I’ve seen your eyes mad red and super chinkier.”

“I can’t help getting contact, Jelani.” I told him, batting my eyes.

“And I can’t protect you from these niggas out here lacin’ shit.” He told me bluntly before lighting his mild and taking a deep pull.

I just smacked my lips cuz I ain’t have nothing to say to that. He know I don’t hang around them type of niggas. But shit… I can’t blame him for being so suspicious and wanting to protect me. When you’ve had to look over your shoulders in your own house and be the man of it from such an early age it comes with the territory.

About 10 minutes later Safaree pulled up on his RR and stopped in front of the house. Jay nodded to him and put out his mild on the same spot Robert puts his cigs out. I squinted my eyes as I noticed how much he reminded me of him leaned back in his chair under the porch light.

“That’s my ride.” I stated the obvious as we both stood up.

“Be safe.” He told me. I gave him a hug. “I mean it.” He added in my ear.

I nodded as I stepped back and made my way over to Safaree. He handed me my Tweety Bird German style motorcycle helmet and I put it on. After I climbed on he saluted Jay and I threw up my twos. He chuckled and went back in the house. He thought me and my friends were so corny, but I didn’t care. Corny’s the new cool.

We rode in silence, letting the sound of the city night be our music. I snuggled in closer to him and tightened my grip around his waist. Damn, I should’ve grabbed a jacket. Always gotta be cute. I was so happy to see we were headed to my girl Candi’s spot. ‘Didn’t even have to leave da borough.’ I thought, before hopping off and rushing in.

“Hey bew!” Candi shouted as soon as I stepped thru the door.

“Hey Candy Girl!” I said back, before giving her a hug. “Where my baby at? I seen his bike outside.”

“Who, Rex?” She asked.

“Mhm. And I see y’all was havin’ y’all selves a liddle set and couldn’t invite a bitch."

“Girl please. We knew papa was gone have a fit if we tried to interrupt family night.” Everybody laughed and I just shook my head. Shit, I don’t eat there cuz of that nigga. I do it because of my moms and my brothers. Oh yeah, and it’s free.

“Nickay!” Rex said before giving me a bear hug.

“My big baaaby!” I exclaimed. I really missed him. He was locked up for about 2 months on some petty shit. “Welcome home nicca!”

“Thanks. A nigga can’t get a gift? Card? Or nothin?”

“I know that ain’t da kid in there making all dat noise.” A raspy voice yelled out from the kitchen. It sounded like Rodrique, but I wasn’t sure. When I saw it was him, I met him half way for a hug.

“You need to stop smoking.” He chuckled and I could feel the vibration coming from his chest.

“Wow. Ya rents let you be out past curfew?” Another voice came from the kitchen. I peaked around Rodrique to see who it was. Christopher John was standing at the counter, pouring some Kool-Aid.

“Shut up!” I told him. He smiled. “Pour me some while you at it.”

“Damn son. Can I get a please?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“So you didn’t get me not one thing’?” Rex huffed.

“Well, ain’t nobody tell me yo ass was home.” I replied while giving everybody a glare. He shook his head. “So listen, I gotchu next time.”

“Aww, damn. She tryna say you gone be back in.” Chris John laughed from the kitchen as I put on a confused face.

“Nah, she really just rocked yo shit b.” Rodrique agreed, pouring him a 4^th of glass of Kool-Aid and opening up a bottle.

“Stay in there!” I yelled back to them.

“That’s fucked up.” Rex said, pretending to be hurt.

“Naw, I’ma getchu a card. I’ma getchu a bear. I’ma getchu some flowers and chocolates. It’s nuffin. I do dis shit.” I told him seriously before cackling down.

We laughed and kicked it til the wee hours of the morning. Playing cards, dancing and drinking. Even had a little freestyle session over the radio. One of Can’s freaks left his stereo here about six months ago and it has a mid tuner so you can kinda turn down the vocals. I used the opportunity to test out some of my new shit when it was my turn. You think my niggas are honest when they sober just wait till they’re drunk. Nigga’s get mad disrespectful… But it’s all love.

 3a.m. had rolled around when I heard someone on the other side of Candi’s bedroom door. For some reason I couldn’t fall asleep even though I was super tired. Guess it was cuz I had a lot on my mind or because I could hear the low rumble of the guys meaningless banter from the front.

“If that’s you Safaree you can come in.” I said looking over at Can who had to be carried in here by one of the guys after I found her in the bathroom out cold and a toilet full of whatever came up with the liquor she couldn’t handle. She swear her tolerance is 5x mines.

“Knew yo ass was up.” He said, before entering, quietly closing the door and taking a seat on the sofa by the window. The street light shining through at the top of the blinds where the curtains didn’t cover was the only source of light. I got up out the bed and joined him.

“You know everything.” I said pushing him gently.

“Nah, not everything. What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’ but the usual.” That’s all I would say and he knew it. He knew I hated talking about my problems and if I wanted to, he’d be one of the first friends I’d go to. Which was crazy because I usually had to dig shit up outta him.

We were quiet for a while before I got up and motioned for him to lay down. As I laid on top of him, resting my head on his chest while we just talked, I felt at peace. Our conversations were usually about music and random lighthearted stuff, but tonight’s consisted of dreams and fears.

An hour had gone by and I was now naked and straddling him. He glanced nervously to the other side of the room where Candi laid in the bed still passed out.

“Do you..” He began.

“Shh.” I cut him off, placing an index to his lips. I might’ve had a swig or two of that Bubblegum Three Olives Vodka sitting on Candi’s night stand. And I might’ve caught contact from the weed the boys finished about 15 minutes ago before they left. Who knew what it was that had me so bold. I mean, it wasn’t like me and Safaree never had sex before. He was my medicine and I was his. The only thing that throws me off is him always wanting to make things public now, when before when we were just cakin and he wasn’t gettin the box I ain’t hear one word about titles. But now all of a sudden he think he might need someone like me to hold him down. Nah… I’m not a maybe type chick. Plus I have solid ass reasons why I don’t. Things are fine the way they are.

After we’d managed to get the boot on, I grabbed his shit and guided him in. He sucked in his bottom lip and bit down to keep quiet. His size never seized to amaze me. I bit my bottom lip as his thickness filled me. A soft moan escaped me as my slow whine increased to popping. I messaged my breast and pinched my nips as I used Safaree to free me from my worries. His hand went from my ass, to my hips, to my now aching breast, before pulling me closer and devouring them. I placed both of my hands on the arm rest above his head as I began to bounce. I was running out of energy as usual, but it was cool cuz I was ready to cum. I let go and circled my hips, trying to regain strength to finish. I guess Safaree was getting impatient cuz he grabbed my ass and lifted me up before pumping into me. I reached back for the arm rest but missed when he let go and grabbed my hips. I pushed up off his chest and began matching every one of his thrust. The smacking of our skin had me nervous we’d wake Can, but it was the perfect rhythm and I honestly didn’t give a fuck at the moment. I was tryna get mine. I collapsed onto my elbows and released all over him and two beats later he followed suit.

I sat Indian style on the couch, watching him fumble with his jeans. I already had back on my panties and an over sized shirt I took from Can to sleep in. Safaree wasn’t bad, but I could tell he hadn’t had much experience before me or never dealt with a chick as demanding. Which was cool cuz who wants a major hoe anyways? Plus I absolutely love the control.